Week 18 and 19 - More acts of random kindness

I'm sitting by the window, it's a pleasant enough day and I can hear the calming sound of the water fountain and see the bees buzzing intentionally on the flowers just outside.
Sound idyllic? It's not what it seems.
The views and sounds inside the room portray a very different picture. There's a man opposite who is making a painful, unsettling rattling noise, his wife is periodically stroking his hand and showing him compassion. Another lady is talking about her husband having gone downhill and life being like a roller-coaster. In fact, so fast-moving is this ride, that after a break in writing the first man has now gone; moved to his own room. The third lady embraces her husband and gets cheek to cheek; I don't know if he can hear her. As for my father in law, I hold his hand, there are no sounds from him, he is asleep and for a few moments at least he seems to have found some comfort from his long journey towards death.
I am in the hospice. I feel very emotional today and I am overwhelmed by the sadness in the room and the kindness that these women and my mother in law show to their husbands who are unable to give anything back in return.
Kindness is so precious a gift, don't you think? To give something of yourself simply to give joy or comfort to another sounds quite easy and doesn't cost a lot. In the hospice it's so utterly compelling because you know there's not a single selfish motive.
I wanted to have a few acts of random kindness on my list this year because I believe kindness can be practised, this sort of kindness which is spontaneous, generous and selfless. We don't know what sadnesses may lurk behind someone's cool façade, we don't know how many opportunities we'll have to do something for any given person. So I'm recommending we show kindness whenever we can not just when it's obviously needed.
What I did is really not the point of this blog, but for the sake of ideas and sharing inspiration I'll tell you that one was sending flowers to a person chosen randomly from my contacts list and the other was making cakes for my elderly neighbour.
I'm glad I did them both and the supermarket one. I'm going to keep practising kindness, because you just never know........

.....(I didn't say earlier but I finished this blog the day after the hospice visit. All three of my father in law's fellow journeyers died last night.)

Week 17 - The Department store one!

If you're thinking this is similar to the supermarket one and that I went into Debenhams and paid for someone's bridal outfit, I'm sorry to say you'll be disappointed - but please do still read on...
In fact, this was all about me! I'll explain. Whilst browsing around Debenhams one day at the end of last year I noticed someone having their eyebrows treated at one of those beauty salon bars. Of course I'd seen this kind of thing before and I'd always wondered what kind of crazy person would actively seek out such a public arena for what I deemed to be a very personal matter? Thinking of my '50 things' I decided there and then that I needed to be one of those people.
I realise these beauty bars are just another example of convenience and impulse retailing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, nor the people who frequent them!
My problem with them was just that, my problem. You probably know by now that I'm an easily embarrassed person and not given to being reckless or spontaneous. So you see this was indeed a challenge for me and exactly why I needed to overcome my fears and bias.
So, after circling the store at least a couple of times I took the plunge and asked to have an eyebrow shape (it was the cheapest treatment,... well it was mainly to achieve a goal after all!) The beautician asked me if I wanted them waxing or threading and since incredibly I've already had my eyebrows waxed (yes it's true) I chose the latter. At this point I felt very smug and clever that I even knew what threading was, as less than two years ago I had no clue and I'm still too embarrassed now to tell you what I thought it meant!
The whole experience was over with very quickly with the young girl working swiftly and creating a shape where previously there'd been none. However, I must confess that I found it quite painful and a lot of money for a few minutes work. I'm one of these people that if I spend money I like to see the benefits - I'm not convinced it was really noticeable, but my daughters said it was.
Anyway, I did it, that's the main thing, on show in the middle of a store on a Friday afternoon. If I go for threading again, and I probably will, I'll go somewhere cheaper and who knows you might just see me through the window and wonder who on earth would do that??

Week - 15 and 16 Nant y Gamar and Portmeirion

These two weeks came in the Easter holidays and I was very fortunate to have both opportunity and company to explore these local landmarks.
I have often looked up at the hill just behind Craig y Don which overlooks Llandudno and wanted to walk up, but simply never done it! Portmeirion, similarly, I always fancied visiting but had never done so properly apart from attending a wedding there.
The great thing with having a list is that it actually does force you to make certain things happen!
The walk around Nant y Gamar was quite literally perfect. A gorgeous, warm, sunny, spring day accompanied by all the family plus Harvey the dog. The conversation was amiable, there was plenty of banter of course and I don't mind saying the picnic was rather tasty too! However, my one question has to be, why on earth has it taken me so long to go up there?? The views on that day were absolutely to die for; we do live in such a beautiful place.

We visited Portmeirion on not such a gorgeous day which in my opinion was a shame as the scenery across the estuary should be breathtaking but visibility was poor on this occasion. The Italianate village is pretty nevertheless and the rhododendrons in the woods were stunning. It would have been great on a hot day when you could have taken advantage of the beach and made a full day of it, for me, the village was all too soon explored.

Good news! - I now have an online sponsor page at JustGiving for my fundraising zipwire challenge in July. I'd be really grateful if you could give something to my charity, 'Care for the family'.

<a href='http://www.justgiving.com/Karen-Sadler4' title='JustGiving - Sponsor me now!' target='_blank'><img src='http://www.justgiving.com/App_Themes/JustGiving/images/badges/badge10.gif' width='270' height='50' alt='JustGiving - Sponsor me now!' /></a>

Week 14- fly-fishing

On my first Friday of no work (My extra teaching hours came to an end) John asked me if I fancied going fly-fishing!
Of course I said yes, but I have to confess that it had more to do with completing a challenge and spending time with my husband than netting a large fish!
Anyway, I had never fished before and so in the spirit of my 50 things I went with an open mind. I wish I'd also gone with a few more layers of clothing!! We went in a boat on Llyn Brenig, not too far from Denbigh. It was an overcast sort of day and didn't seem too cold at first, but then the wind seemed to get up and after a few hours I thought I'd lost all feeling in my feet!
John got quite frustrated that neither of us had caught anything after a few hours but I wasn't bothered. I think maybe it was the male'hunter/gatherer' thing and the competitiveness against the other fishermen (yes, men, I didn't see any other women) It just didn't effect me like that at all. I could have had a nice leisurely ride in the boat and that would have been me happy.
I know there's keen fishermen and probably all Alpha males screaming incredulity at me right now! I'm sorry, just not wired that way!
However, just before we returned to dry land, guess who had a bite on their line?? Yes me. John was very excited and very encouraging; I on the other hand was a little bit alarmed.I asked him to take the line, but he graciously wanted me to have the achievement. Apparently I did a great job and was congratulated thoroughly, but I still didn't get it! - I mean what had I done apart from hold the line? Just that it seems, and held it well, taut and upright! John netted the 'enormous'  trout for me (nearly 3lbs) and then I started to squeal like a girl when he picked up the hammer and did the deed. I know, pathetic wasn't I? Why had it not occurred to me already that that would need to happen??
A natural angler I am not!! Let's just say I didn't take to fly fishing like a 'trout to water '
Fantastic experience though and a good-looking fish - not to mention the very attractive tutor!!

ps- on Good Friday we found out !the trout tasted good too!

Week 12 and 13 - Tears and laughter

Numbers 12 and 13 of my 50 things took place in the same week.
Attend a comedy night and visit a hospice! I had done neither of these things ever before and the fact that they collided into the same seven day period was quite interesting and fairly poignant.
I think it's remarkable that we can be crying desperately sad tears one moment and then be laughing uncontrollably the next! - it's the joy and celebration of being human.
I can hardly believe that I'd never been into a hospice before, after all I've had quite a few close family and friends die, but often they've been sudden deaths. A hospice is of course a place for the dying, the terminally ill and their carers. Those that know they are in a process; sudden is replaced with an expectation of only one outcome. And no-one can tell you when that outcome will happen.
As you may remember me mentioning before, my father in law is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer and it was towards the end of March that we took him into St.Luke's Hospice in Cheshire. As I write this today, he has in fact just returned home and my praise for the staff in there can't be high enough. There was an atmosphere in there which is extremely difficult to describe. For a place dedicated to the care of the dying, there was a feeling of warmth, of peace, of love and even uncannily of calm.
When I received my tickets to go and see Miranda Hart (comedienne, for the uninitiated!) I had no idea that it would end up being the day before we took Keith up to the hospice. The show was absolutely brilliant, I totally loved it and for someone who doesn't laugh out loud a lot, I did, I laughed out loud! For that 2 hours Miranda transported us out of our own lives, worries and fears and took us on a journey together of shared fun and laughter. Moreover, she inspired us to be free, to be ourselves,to take ourselves a little less seriously and be a bit more child-like.
Humour and hospices can both do an extraordinary thing it seems; they can help you look beyond your own self-interest or self-importance. Now that's no bad thing - I am grateful to both.

Week 11 - Encouragement

First of all, thanks for all the encouraging feedback on'the supermarket one'. It was great to hear your comments.
I don't know about you, but I love to hear positive things either about me or about something I'm doing. Doesn't everybody? Let's be honest, no-one enjoys being told negative stuff or criticism!
So my 11th challenge was to send an encouraging text everyday for a week to someone different. This of course didn't really take up a lot of time or energy but I think what was interesting this week was considering the motivation and the outcomes.
Words can be so powerful, they can bring life or death to a person, (not literally usually!) and be bearers of hope rather than despair. I think some people are natural encouragers; they are warm, compassionate people who regularly think about the needs and feelings of others and find this easy to do. Others can learn to act like this.
 I think if you want to be positive and encouraging in order to get something back for yourself, then your motivation is surely wrong. To cheer someone on, in whatever way, must be just that, - a desire to see them succeed, perform well, get better, achieve a goal, keep going, believe there's hope etc.
This of course means your responses won't be always as you expect and your encouragement won't necessarily precede immediate success or life changing circumstances for people. But then again that's not the point - encourage anyway!

Week 10 - ' The supermarket one!'

The 10th challenge already, which means a fifth of the way there! I think I have found this weeks' the most difficult to do to date. I haven't gone out of my comfort zone much so far and this one was definitely going to do this!
For those of you who have been following my blog you may remember the week that I was going to 'pay for someone's shopping at the supermarket'. When people heard about this they said things like,'ooh, let me know when you're going and I'll get in line' or 'make sure you go to Lidl and find someone with a basket' or even,'ooh, you're so good'. Let me say to these people that Lidl was always going to be the only option as it's practically the only place where I shop and I'm really not that good judging by how nervous I was! - I mean, how good can you be if you're nervous about doing a kindness for someone?
I have to admit, therefore, to having chickened out on my first intentioned visit. I thought I needed to search for a 'worthy' recipient, so I sort of stalked people around the store and then tried to race them to the checkout. In the end the very nice woman didn't seem to fit the bill. I was laughable and a bit pathetic.
Following this farcical charade, I realised the challenge was to simply perform an act of random kindness; I wasn't conducting a sociological survey for goodness sake! Random act, random choice. I determined to pay for the shopping of whoever came next to me in the queue. That's exactly what happened on my next visit.
The utterly amazed, elderly lady who generously and graciously accepted my offer asking the obvious question why, was completely overwhelmed. I say generous by the way because I believe it's sometimes more difficult to receive than to give especially in these days of cynicism and suspicion. Fortunately, Anna was trusting and required no persuading that I was neither a con-artist nor a wierdo and we enjoyed a lovely conversation over the groceries! She said lots of lovely things (not least that I didn't look 50!) - no seriously and much more importantly she said it was the nicest thing that had ever happened to her and that her friend Connie outside in the car-park would be equally amazed. They kept shaking their heads in wonder and incredulity and were encouraged 'that there were still nice people in the world'.
All in all, this random act of kindness cost me very little financially, just a certain amount of courage to overcome my fear of looking a fool, but for a lonely older lady, I like to think an extraordinary encounter gave her a little joy and warmed her heart on an otherwise very ordinary day.